Commander's Log: Sarsdate 04/04/0021 URGENT We Must Find The Friendly Inhabitants Today
A Fine Island Malt For The First Comment Containing All Their Locations
Our Mapa Carcinoma would not have been possible without help from the few friendly island inhabitants, so I’d like to thank all those helpers by sending them a little Easter gift, but sadly although Felix knows where they all live, he has deserted me today to follow his Czech roots and search out a fine Easter Whip. It’s not April 1st today, so I’m assuming that link’s for real.
Fortunately, Felix did already discreetly mark all these friendly inhabitants on the map which you can find here.
Go to the full map to search for the inhabitants
The gifts will reach the inhabitants if I can just get these locations to Bruce “The Chain” Mailman-McHarley, Carcinoma’s Carrier Of Last Resort, Second Henchman Of The Tripocalypse and Chief Bandit of the island’s largest Squamous Cell. We’ll get the full measure of Bruce The Chain in future logs, but here we’re concerned with his day job as Mailman and Carrier of Last Resort. The inhabitants live in fear of a visit from Bruce, because they never know if he’s just delivering the mail, or if he’s come at the behest of Grim The Reaper with that final message you never want to hear. He’s an evil little shit, astride his black horse, swinging the drive chain from his wrecked Harley. But as an excuse to intimidate lots of people he’s more than happy to run his same day mail delivery service entirely free. I almost linked an academic article on regulations that balance partial monopoly privileges for common carriers (telcos, postal services and other utilities) with obligations to be the carrier of last resort (i.e. deliver service at a fair price to everyone). But, on reflection, here’s the much more apposite Old John Garfield Blues by the brilliant John Prine, who sadly succumbed to the Covid pandemic in 2020 CE. The ‘Last Resort’ reference is at about 2mins. Best listened to nice and loud in a dark room, accompanied by your favourite 15 year old Islay.
So all I need now to set Bruce on his way are your helpful comments on this post describing briefly the location of each inhabitant. The first person to identify 4 inhabitants wins a gold (well, gold wrapped) Easter bunny, and the first person to identify all of them wins a bottle of fine malt from one of the nearby islands.
Like all good maps Felix's wonderful cartography reveals something new each time you look at it. I think the lady on the SW island has Covid as she seems to be self isolating so best to treat her as an unfriendly inhabitant for the next 10 days and don't get involved with her in any Easter Whipping way.
Further to my previous comment - have been scouring the island by Drone and in addition to the 1 hiding in the trees behind base camp building, 1 riding on the tail of the dragon, 1 hiding behind the shipwreck on the south coast beach, 1 on the side of the Ben Big clock tower, the Dunnage Drone has also now spotted 1 behind the rocks pillars north of Loch Chemo, 1 pushing a wheelbarrow through the Bog of Desolation, 1 to the left of the path up Ben Ramekin, 1 on the southern edge of the island with the shipwreck, and 1 on the tiny island on the SW edge of map. However, suspecting a Commander Con-trick, for completeness I will mention the seven seagulls inhabiting the air currents above Ben Ramekin. The Dunnage Janitor has not yet got enough whisky and wants more.