17 Comments
User's avatar
Tom's avatar

This has occupied an inordinate amount of my mental capacity, it must indeed be a Sunday. As a stickler for numbers, particularly where a dunnage is concerned, it appears to me that Graeme has listed an additional inhabitant (guileful geckos notwithstanding). Does this fit my theory that the shipwrecked figure on the southern island is in fact, as I strongly suspect, two kids in a trenchcoat?

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Pam's avatar

A cunning young linguist called Chris

Being treated for something amiss

Created a map

That caused me to slap

My husband for taking the mickey.

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Chris Mairs's avatar

OK Doggerel prize to Pam. Impressive performance by the McArthur household. Tom The Dunnage Manager might possibly also be allowed to share in the parent's chocolate themed prize for his thoughtful analysis of the Janitor's list, but the Chief Cartographer's ruling on overall winner remains final, even if wrong.

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Felix's avatar

Upon reviewing the entries, I must say it is certainly a close one. Simon did indeed list all the inhabitants first, but Graeme's descriptions were more flowery. However, in backroom discussions with the Commander I did also state, and I quote, that: "a special prize for finding the lizard warrior is permissible, but trying to pass him off as a villager should draw ire and ridicule". And naturally, the entrants only have themselves to blame for not reading the small-print.

In my professional judgement, I would award the plonk to Simon, conditional on his acceptance of ire and ridicule. Further, Graeme should receive the bunny. But the special prize cannot be in given in conjunction with the bunny (see riddle about chicken, fox & grain) and thus as a tiebreaker I would suggest the lizard warrior special prize goes to whoever writes the best poem inspired by the pastoral scenes depicted on the map.

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Chris Mairs's avatar

So there we have it; Bunny to Graeme, malt to Simon and special prize still open for the best piece of Carcinoma doggerel.

And only someone who runs his own cisplatin strength plum brandy still would dare to call malt whisky plonk.

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Gill's avatar

Like all good maps Felix's wonderful cartography reveals something new each time you look at it. I think the lady on the SW island has Covid as she seems to be self isolating so best to treat her as an unfriendly inhabitant for the next 10 days and don't get involved with her in any Easter Whipping way.

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Graeme MacArthur's avatar

Ah so I have to respectively report to the Commander that the Lizard Warrior is in the rock pillars above Loch Chemo, not on Big Ben. So maybe my claim to the Easter Bunny will be reinstated on appeal. But then my claim to the whisky will be thrown out due to my reptilian inclusivity. Damn this is complicated.

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Graeme MacArthur's avatar

While my drone's battery was recharging, I attempted to introduce the Easter Whip to Mrs Dunnage Janitor, and can report that the Scottish Borders now has a new tradition of the Easter Slap.

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Chris Mairs's avatar

Go, Pam, go.

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Graeme MacArthur's avatar

Further to my previous comment - have been scouring the island by Drone and in addition to the 1 hiding in the trees behind base camp building, 1 riding on the tail of the dragon, 1 hiding behind the shipwreck on the south coast beach, 1 on the side of the Ben Big clock tower, the Dunnage Drone has also now spotted 1 behind the rocks pillars north of Loch Chemo, 1 pushing a wheelbarrow through the Bog of Desolation, 1 to the left of the path up Ben Ramekin, 1 on the southern edge of the island with the shipwreck, and 1 on the tiny island on the SW edge of map. However, suspecting a Commander Con-trick, for completeness I will mention the seven seagulls inhabiting the air currents above Ben Ramekin. The Dunnage Janitor has not yet got enough whisky and wants more.

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Chris Mairs's avatar

Brilliant spotting by Graeme, in the face of very unfair judging by the blind Commander. After Video Review the judges have concluded that the figure on Big Ben is in fact not a lizard at all. But I think Simon may just have swerved in ahead for the full set.

Over to our Chief Cartographer to assess exact prize distribution between Graeme and Simon.

Great job guys. I'm sure the inhabitants will be grateful.

Chris

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Simon Donald's avatar

Oooh, all that Graeme said and... 1 in the mountins above loch chemo, 1 to the wst of dire straits, 1 on the tiny island below the dunnage and 1 on the beach to the west of ben ramekin...

Hope you're enjoying the weekend off! xx

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Chris Mairs's avatar

A great photo finish between Simon and Graeme. Looks like Simon might have it, but over to Felix to give a final ruling. The judges decisions are final, unless we change them.

C.

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Jon Drori's avatar

I've mislaid my glasses, so there's no chance of me finding any hidden anything. So I'm just sending good Easter vibes instead and letting you know that I'm with you on the journey, fully kitted with plastic overtrousers and penknife. That Easter Whip put me in mind of the Passover Seder, during which children get to whip their parents with spring onions. Great with the little ones. Less appealing with teenagers...

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Charlotte's avatar

I feel the right to this missive will be made into a film... I’m considering the cast as I deliberate!!

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Chris Mairs's avatar

Well I'm glad it was a Scot who claimed the Lizard Warrior on Big Ben is a friendly inhabitant - I guess everything's relative in Desolation Bog.

Fortunately there is a special prize for the Lizard Warrior which you can enjoy while incarcerated in your dunnage for such a mortal insult to the worthy crofters.

So G. has given everyone a leg up, but all's still to play for with The Golden Bunny and the fine malt both remaining on the table.

Commander

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Graeme MacArthur's avatar

1 hiding in the trees behind base camp building, 1 riding on the tail of the dragon, 1 hiding behind the shipwreck on the south coast beach, 1 on the side of the Ben Big clock tower. The Dunnage Janitor hereby claims his Easter bunny.

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